Whoa - Seriously, where have these last two months gone?!
What a ride it's been. Harper has changed so much (and maybe it's wishful thinking, but I'm starting to see more of me in her). Harper is so unpredictable and definitely keeps us on our toes. She is definitely developing her own personality. Watching her become her own little person is by far the greatest thing I've ever witnessed. She's witnessed her first FSU football games, and since her conceptions, she's only seen FSU win! She holds her head up all the time and roles over from belly to back. My absolute favorite thing - she smiles back at me now. I look at her and smile or stick my tongue out and she return the favor by imitating my face back! She is also beginning to coo a lot more. I can't wait to hear her little giggle. It truly is the little things in life that are worth the most - she's has definitely taught me that.
Things Harper loves:
- Going on walks in the Baby K'Tan
- Sleeping on her tummy
- Eating (being nursed)
- BATHS - I think this is her most favorite thing right now
- Watching tv (no we don't sit her in front of the tv, but more so when it catcher her eye)- more specifically, football. She is absolutely mesmerized
- Watching her mobile - again, completely mesmerized
Things Harper doesn't like:
- Getting out of the bath
- Having lotion put on - still hates this
- Not getting attention
- Being tired
She's learning so much everyday - for example, she has definitely learned crying gets her what she wants. She's picked up this completely fake and often dramatic cry, no tears, doesn't last long. She quiets down and then looks around until she remembers she didn't get her way and then the cry is back. Call us horrible parents, but it's kind of funny to watch this one. It usually coincides with being extremely tired too - to the point that even she doesn't know what she wants.
Sleep is variable. Some nights we get 6-7 hours stretches, other nights, maybe 3. The inconsistency is what's hard for me. I'm so type A and like to make plans for the day - she usually tell my plans to go...well ya know. Any time she falls asleep, be it at night or during the day for a nap, it's like the timer starts. How much time do I have to get school work done, clean, workout, shower, sleep, relax, etc..... Because before you know it, the alarm sounds and she's up for more fun. And fun it is. Through the good and the bad, it is truly so much fun to be her Mom.
As for me - this whole Mom thing is a million times harder than I thought. Emotions are still all over the place. The hardest part for me is the "Mom Guilt" - Holy cow is it real, and it sucks. For example, I sit there and rock her and think of things I need to do or get done, hoping she'll fall asleep soon - then the guilt kicks in and I'm crying because I feel so bad I'm hoping she'll fall asleep. I know she'll be older tomorrow and eventually there will come a day when I can't rock her in my arms. So why in the world would I want to wish it to go by? And that my friends, is Mom guilt. In a perfect world, all I would do all day is lay with Harper, read stories and rock her. But we all know that's not possible, so all I can do is savor and enjoy every little moment with her.
School is tough. Taking on the role of becoming a student again (at a graduate level) and learning the role of a new mom, among my many other roles (wife, friend, daughter, nurse) probably wasn't the smartest idea. But I'm making it through one day at a time (with the help of one very special fellow student and friend of mine). I am so determined to get through this. My biggest (mom) guilt, of course, comes when she's up during the day - happy, content, just wanting attention. And I'm struggling between getting work done and being with her. She wins most days, which is the only way I'd ever have it. I just really wish I could duplicate myself and send one of me to study and the other just to cuddle and lay around with Harper all day. I get by with the support of my wonderful family and friends, and knowing that all this hard work will pay off in a short 2-3 years. I'm also still on maternity leave, but will be returning to work part time, working one 12 hours shift a week. So to look on the positive side, school has given me MORE time at home with Harper.
As for the rest - I feel more human these days. Running is good, picking up my pre baby pace and distance again slowly but surely. The weight loss is hard, and pretty much nonexistent. With breastfeeding and everything else going on, this is a pretty low priority for me. I will continue to workout everyday, eat healthy, and let me body do what it needs to for right now.
We have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks and months - friends coming to visit, FSU football, a couple weddings, Halloween, and so much more! It's truly incredible how all theses things are so much more fun with Harper around!