Saturday, July 27, 2013

Clomid Cycle #3


Third time's a charm, right? 

Here's hoping! Once again, here is my day to day diary while taking 150mg of Clomid...




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Day 1:
Tuesday, July 23rd
CD3

Mood: Nervous
Any tears today: No
Tired or energetic: Combination
Love or hate husband: Love. But he really should work on his timing...Phil just got home last night from an 8 day business trip! Welcome home, honey!
Headaches: No
Nausea: No
Hot Flashes: No
Crazy dreams: No
Other symptoms: A little stressed and making myself anxious thinking about the expected side effects of the higher dose, still hopeful this is all going to work!

(Fingers crossed!)


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Day 2:
Wednesday, July 24th
CD4

Mood: Happy with a few angry mood swings. Enjoyed the day with family celebrating my Mom's birthday!
Any tears today: No
Tired or energetic: Energetic
Love or hate husband: Like...?! haha
Headaches: No
Nausea: No
Hot Flashes: Yes
Crazy dreams: No
Other symptoms: Easily irritated

My niece Sarah


Clomid and Publix birthday cake =/

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Day 3:
Thursday, July 25th
CD5

Mood: Tired, long day at work
Any tears today: No
Tired or energetic: Tired
Love or hate husband: Love
Headaches: No
Nausea: No
Hot Flashes: Yes. . .night sweats are back with a vengeance! 
Crazy dreams: No
Other symptoms: Extremely tired (due to my own fault staying up way too late before work), grumpy, indifferent.


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Day 4:
Friday, July 26th
CD6

Mood: Happy
Any tears today: Yes, first time so far this cycle. . .in my car on my way to work. . .listening to butterfly kisses, haha. LAME I know!
Tired or energetic: Energetic-ish
Love or hate husband: Love!
Headaches: No
Nausea: No
Hot Flashes: Yes
Crazy dreams: No
Other symptoms: Feeling pretty good 4 days in! Nervous about what's to come!


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Day 5:
Saturday, July 27th
CD7

Mood: Happy
Any tears today: Yes. . .once again trying on clothes that fit me a mere 9 months ago are now too tight or just don't look good anymore, which then brought on a melt down and sob fest. Been struggling a lot more lately with my body. . . (Note to self, It will all be worth it in the end!!)
Tired or energetic: Tired, and having a hard time to get motivated to do annnnnything today. . .
Love or hate husband: Love :)
Headaches: Yes
Nausea: No
Hot Flashes: Holy hell yes
Crazy dreams: YES! CRAAAAZY dreams, mostly work related and old doctors I worked with in Denver giving me advice. All were so vivid and real! Weird.
Other symptoms: Nothing too crazy, a little uneasy about what is to come. . .but thrilled to be done!




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So here we are, THIRTY Clomid pills and three cycles later, here we are. I have so much hope for this to be a successful cycle yet so much fear of the uncertainty of what's to come. I start doing my daily ovulation prediction tests tomorrow hoping to get another smiley face! Phil went out and bought me the extra expensive, equally as annoying Clearblue Easy OPKs. This one not only tells you when you're fertile, it also tells you when you're at "Peak Fertility". . .aka, better get down to business! haha! 


I'll also be getting my usual cycle day 12 estrogen blood work next week. This time, in addition to the blood work I'm also getting an ultrasound done (you guessed it, transvaginal!) to look at my ovaries and see if there are any potential follicles ready to go! However, a few nights ago I cracked open a hard boiled egg to find TWINS! So most people are saying "It's a sign" as for what's to come! Uhh, not so sure about the whole twins thing. . .but we'll take what we can get!

Twins!


In the midst of all this craziness of pills, and ultrasounds, and blood work, and well the obvious, Phil and I are also heading down to Miami next Thursday to celebrate our wonderful friends Ashley and Andy as they become husband and wife! Lots of excitement ahead...just trying to enjoy the ride!


Sunday, July 14, 2013

And then there were three. . .PILLS, not people

Another day, another cycle done...and still not pregnant.

The difference, this time I actually ovulated! Was it a "strong" ovulation? No, probably not. But after having my FIRST EVER positive OPK test, and CD21 blood work done to check my progesterone level, it was confirmed that I did indeed ovulate. Last month on 50mg Clomid my progesterone was 1.23, very clear that I did not ovulate. This month, on 100mg Clomid my progesterone was 5.99! My doctor told me anything >3 would mean I did ovulate. BUT, ideally we would like >10, or even 15 or 30! We also did another transvaginal ultrasound to check if I had a corpus luteum cyst (aside from pregnancy, really the only definitive way to prove someone ovulated). [As of posting this, still waiting to hear the final report]. So while my husband says "I'd put this in the win column", it's still a bit of a downer. Oh how badly I want a sky high CD12 estradiol level (this month mine jumped from 55.8 to 86.4), a stellar CD21 progesterone level, and most importantly, a chance to create a miracle!





Again I ask, "So now what!?"

Well, after talking things over with my doctor, we decided one more try at a higher dose of Clomid, 150mg. Each month my body (specifically ovaries) has responded more and more. Starting with my progesterone challenge in March were I only spotted for like an hour, to a full on period my second month into suppressing my ovaries with estrogen and progesterone. Then with the Clomid from getting a period even though I didn't ovulate the first month to now actually ovulating (sorta) with an increase in the dosage. Each month my hormone levels get a little bit better.



"What if it doesn't work next month?"

This is a question we'll have to discuss at that time. If I have a strong, normal ovulation but don't get pregnant do we try another month? At that point we would finally be on the same playing field as every other fertile couple out there. Would we do an HSG to check my fallopian tube patency? Check out Phil's swimmers?

OR 

Do we go to the next step in getting my hormones regulated with a surgical procedure called Ovarian Drilling. While I don't believe the words Ovarian and Drilling should ever be uttered together, the research and results speak for themselves (do yourself a favor and DO NOT do what I did and look at Google Images or YouTube videos...you've been warned!). The procedure is done laparoscopically under general anesthesia. The surgeon drills little holes in the ovaries (roughly 4-10 per ovary). This in turn will  decrease the testosterone levels, regulate normal hormonal function and many women (roughly 80%) report normal periods and ovulation within the first month! If one does not ovulate following the surgery and did not originally respond to medications like Clomid, many will then respond and ovulate when these medications are reintroduced.


The positive to all this uncertainly and constant "What next?" is this: Choices! We have plenty of choices at our finger tips, and a wonderful friend/Doctor to guide us through this! Sure, I'd love to be pregnant by now, but deep down I know that's just not how our story is supposed to go. The longer we try, while hard to believe, but the less stressed I get. I know we will get there, I just know it. And I know it will happen exactly when it's supposed to happen. It's just gonna take a little longer than most! I mean, throughout my life, anything that was worth having took hard work and dedication to get! God is just taking His time, making a perfect little baby just for us! Until then, we will move forward and continue to take it one day at a time (of course with the help of the love and support from all of you!)




Also, in the mean time, before kids, this is what Phil and I do in our free time! Enjoy!